Dear Charlotte,
My wife just went to the adult store bought this crazy new toy, it does a million things! How could I compete with that? I am worried I do not get the job done right. Is she replacing me?-MG
Dear MG,
Freeze! Stop that thought train in its tracks, because I guarantee you won’t like the last stop! It’s time to bust the myth of the “battery operated boyfriend”.
“With that toy she won’t need me anymore!” Does that sound familiar? We hear it all the time. Many man feel intimated by their partners buzzing bedroom buddies. And who wouldn’t be intimidated? All the different sizes, textures, shapes, vibe… She can even buy it in her favorite color! I don’t know any real men who come prepackaged in ‘Lusty Lavender’, do you? It’s only natural to feel a little freaked out by these silicone home invaders. Sure, we’ll admit, they are pretty neat… but can they replace a man? Of course not! There is not a toy in the world that can offer the intimate closeness of a real relationship.
Think of it this way: what if your wife or girlfriend tossed your tool bag onto the table and accused you of getting more use and pleasure out of them than her? That would be a little ridiculous. I mean, can your cordless drill go to the movies with you? It’s the same concept. Vibrators are an excellent tool for stress relief, self-love, self-exploration, variation in routine, and a quick toe curling. However, they are still only a tool. They assist in getting a job done, and they most certainly do not replace a person.
In fact, vibrators can bring a couple closer than ever before! Tell your lady that you’re a little nervous about her pocket pal, it will open up a dialogue between you to address her relationship with her toy and you. Ask your sweetheart what it is about her vibrator she enjoys the most. If she answers that she likes g spot stimulation, a certain position, etc. then try and incorporate some of those things into your play! She will appreciate that you listened and want to please her. Then ask her what she likes about you the most! She will probably give a much longer, detailed list.
You can even incorporate her toys into your bedroom routine! There are plenty of ways a toy can be used between two people and it will help make you more comfortable to see and feel it in action. Who knows, it may even persuade you to try out the good vibrations!
So, communicate with your lover! Talking about how both of you think and feel will keep the spark alive and keep you from harboring some pent up jealousy over the triple-action-double-barrel she keeps tucked under her pillow. Most of all, remember that her toy cannot offer the love, support, commitment and passion that a partnership can. Or at least, it shouldn’t!
